A True Gentleman… Plus an Apology!

Ughhhhhh. Sighs. Alright, let’s just get this humiliation over.

Hey guys, it’s Winston. Last Wednesday was a little… embarrassing. However, a whole week has come and gone. I am ready to move past my small, highly overexaggerated digression of propriety and get back to being the stunningly handsome, incredibly irresistible office pup you all know and love.

To start, I want to acknowledge that many of you got quite the laugh out of my uncontrollable bowel movements last week. To that, I say, shame on you. I am just a tiny little boy. I don’t choose to have a war rage within my stomach, where both sides battle for pungent revenge. I don’t deserve to be ridiculed like some common Pug. What did I ever do to you to warrant such treatment?

Secondly, I want to point out that despite my impeccable vocabulary and consciousness of my insignificance in the universe, I am still a dog. I have a better sense of smell than all you humans combined. Therefore, I can smell just how stanky you all are, too. I may have had a little accident, but don’t act like you are all roses and sunshine. Just saying.

But enough about my digestive issues. The only way I will win back your unwavering affection is if I help you understand how distinguished I truly am. So, let me tell you a little bit about what makes me the most proper office dog.

First and foremost, my posture is a testament to pure elegance; I don’t simply sit or lie down. I repose with my legs crossed, a true gentleman’s pose. This is not a pose that can be easily mastered by the common canine. It requires a blend of grace and nobility that only a few of us possess. When I lay in the middle of the office floor, legs elegantly crossed, even the most disinterested human can’t help but pause and admire. It’s a sight that commands respect, exudes class, and, quite frankly, sets me apart from your average, everyday office dog.

Additionally, I have refined tastes in both food and fashion. While some of you may settle for cheap, generic dog food, I insist on only the finest of kibbles. And when it comes to fashion, well, let’s just say if you saw my Star Wars collar, you wouldn’t be questioning my fanciness.

Beyond my physical existence, I pride myself on my impeccable manners. I reserve my barks for when they’re returned, never succumb to begging for food (opting instead for a gentle paw nudge), and strive to lock eyes with yours, conveying my desires directly into your soul before I leap up, seeking to be cradled like an infant. A less discerning dog might default to incessant barking and yipping, but not I – I understand the compelling power of a strategically aimed gaze.

So please, let’s all move on from last week’s unfortunate events and focus on the things that truly matter – like how utterly charming I am. Together, we can make this office a sophisticated paradise filled with dignity and grace… well, at least until my next stomach grumble hits. But until then, let’s just bask in my glory and enjoy the presence of a true gentleman dog.

Elegantly yours,

Winston