Barking at Cupid: Why Valentine’s Day Is Overrated

Oh, dear readers, Valentine’s Day is upon us yet again. Cards, chocolates, flowers… blah, blah, blah. The pink and red-crazed holiday looms over us like a heart-shaped cloud of unmet expectations. But you might be wondering why my enthusiasm is, well, nonexistent. Shall I remind you of The Great French Bulldog Dating Website Debacle of 2024? No need to dig up old wounds—but I will say my inbox hasn’t been the same since.

But no, my disdain for Valentine’s Day has absolutely nothing to do with that little hiccup. Nothing at all. Instead, I’ve come to realize, as every sensible French Bulldog does, that Valentine’s Day is entirely overrated. Being alone is not just acceptable—it’s better. And I’m here to tell you why.

Reason 1: Chocolate Is Toxic to Dogs (and Figuratively, to You)

First, the star of Valentine’s Day—chocolate—is utterly useless to a distinguished canine such as myself. Toxic for me, toothaches for you, and crumbs for the vacuum to clean up. Seriously, is anything worse than whining over a heart-shaped box of disappointment when you realize not all the chocolates are caramel?

I say skip the sweets and treat yourself to a nice chewy bacon strip instead. Trust me—bacon never lets you down. Valentines may come and go, but bacon is a forever kind of love.

Reason 2: No Awkward Dinner Dates

Ah, Valentine’s dinners. Dim lights, overpriced courses, and awkward conversations over plates of tiny portions. Listen, I’d rather curl up in my favorite corner, chomping on a peanut butter Kong while the humans binge-watch Love Is Blind.

No reservations? No problem. Bonus perk of flying solo? No one to judge you when you spill spaghetti on yourself (again). Just saying.

Reason 3: More Snuggles, Less Stress

Couples, you can keep your roses and mushy love songs. I’ve got my plushies and a blanket big enough for a full-on nap marathon. Now that’s peak Valentine’s Day vibes.

Being single lets you appreciate the real MVPs in your life—the soft, snuggly things that don’t talk back. And if you happen to have your own French Bulldog for company (hello, my fellow overachievers), even better.

Reason 4: No One Is Judging Your Online Habits

Confession time. Some of us might have tried just a little too hard last year to find “the one.” Who could forget my short-lived stint as “WinstonLuvsYou87” on FrenchieHarmonics.com? Yes, I swiped right for every lady with a shiny coat, but if we’re being honest, they weren’t ready for me.

Lesson learned. This year, there’s nobody around to side-eye me for spending hours scrolling puppy memes while loudly chewing a bully stick. Bliss.

Reason 5: You Can Shower Yourself With Gifts

Forget someone else buying you a shoddy bouquet that came pre-shrunk in plastic. Treat yourself to something truly meaningful! For instance, I’m eyeing a luxurious orthopedic doggy bed. Imagine—a bed this regal might even convince me to relinquish my couch for once (I said might).

Just remember—self-love isn’t selfish. Splurging on that nice latte, cozy sweater, or, hey, a gourmet treat—isn’t a lack of romance. It’s the best kind of romance.

Reason 6: You Don’t Have to Share the Couch

What’s better than being forced to watch a cheesy rom-com? Not having to share your space while doing so. Being alone means full control over the couch, the remote, and, most importantly, the perfect snack-to-lap ratio.

Forget letting someone else hog the fluffy throw pillows; those belong to you, my friend. Oh, and if you’re a dog, much like myself, they also make for ideal chin rests.

Reason 7: You Can Bond With Your Real Best Friend—Yourself

Valentine’s Day for me really boils down to this—why play second fiddle in someone else’s orchestra when you can be a solo virtuoso? (That’s the fanciest sentence I’ll write today. You’re welcome.)

Being alone lets you explore what you love, whether it’s sniffing toilet bowls (me, obviously) or finishing the book that’s been on your shelf for a year. Plus, practicing self-care gives you the energy to tackle future challenges—like chasing that one exceptionally suspicious squirrel.

Who Needs Valentine’s Day?

Listen, folks, Valentine’s Day might not be for everyone, and that’s okay. Whether you’re single or just opting out, know that you’re not missing much. Being alone isn’t lonely—it’s liberating. No weird chocolates, no awkward expectations, just 100% unfiltered YOU.

With that said, I’ve got some very pressing plans for February 14th. A long walk, some gourmet wet food, and an evening of luxurious self-pampering (aka rolling around with my favorite toy). Feel free to join me on the “no Valentine, no problems” train, knowing it’s the safest bet you’ll make this year.

Until next week, my wonderful readers,

Forever single, forever fabulous,

Winston 🐾