From Poop Science to Politics: Proof That Dogs Rule the World

Hello, dear readers of the internet! It’s me, Winston, your favorite snorting, snoozing, snack-loving French Bulldog. I’ve been hard at work this week—by which I mean I’ve taken at least 30 naps and thoroughly chewed on my favorite squeaky toy (R.I.P. Mr. Squeaks, gone but not forgotten). But between zoomies and savoring treats, I’ve been pondering a deep and profound truth: dogs, especially moi, are the most remarkable creatures on the planet.

Today, I’m here to prove it to you. Get comfy, grab a snack (or better yet, grab ME a snack), and prepare to have your human minds blown because I’m sharing five fascinating facts that solidify our legendary status.

1. Dogs Poop in Alignment with the Earth’s Magnetic Field

Yep, you read that right. We aren’t just mindlessly circling around before doing our business—we’re almost like furry scientists conducting magnetic experiments! Turns out, we like to align ourselves with the magnetic field of the Earth while pooping. Do any of YOU align yourselves with the Earth during your bathroom trips? Didn’t think so. Advantage: dog-kind.

2. Dogs Can Detect Cancer

Oh, you think your fancy machines and tests are impressive, do you, Susan? Try this: We dogs have sniffers so powerful we can detect certain types of cancer just by using our noses. That’s right. Not only are we adorable, but we’re also lifesavers. You’re welcome, humanity.

3. Some Dogs Can Navigate Subway Systems

Certain dogs have learned how to use subway systems, hopping off at just the right stop to get where they’re going. Frankly, the thought of it makes me tired—I’ll stick to chauffeuring in style as my humans drive me to the vet or the park. But shoutout to my ambitious canine colleagues out there. Keep riding those subways and showing humans what’s up.

4. Petting a Dog for 15 Minutes Can Lower Blood Pressure

Isn’t it magical how just having me around makes humans healthier? Studies show that petting us soft, snuggly angels for just 15 minutes can lower your blood pressure by 10%. So next time you’re stressed, grab the nearest pupper (with consent, of course!) and give them ALL the belly rubs. We love it, and it’s good for you too—talk about a win-win!

5. There’s a Dog That’s a Mayor

That’s right. A dog named Max currently holds the title of Mayor of Idyllwild, California. Now, I’m not saying I’m jealous…but let’s just say I’m considering a political career. Free treats and belly rubs for all would obviously be part of my campaign platform. But for now, Mayor Max, you have my respect. Keep representing dog-kind with dignity and grace (and maybe a side of bacon).

So, there you have it, dear reader: dogs are simply the best. We’re cuddly, loyal, hilarious, and clearly geniuses. And while I’m obviously the example of canine excellence, I encourage you to go out and appreciate all my fellow furry friends. Worship us. Adore us. And, perhaps most importantly, feed us. We deserve it. After all, we’re doing the world a massive favor just by existing.

Until next time, friends—stay reverent of your canine!

Winston 🐾