New Year, Same Me: A Resolution to Stay Perfect

Hello there, dear reader! Winston here, your favorite French bulldog, reporting live from the fluffiest corner of Couch HQ. It’s New Year’s Eve, and while the humans are all bustling around with their hats, sparkles, and unreasonably bad attempts at “dancing,” I’ve decided it’s time for a little self-reflection. Well, sort of.

See, last year, I—Winston, the great—made a list of New Year’s resolutions. You know, things like “don’t bark at the vacuum” or “stop stealing socks and pretending they’re trophies.” The usual stuff. But here’s the thing: I didn’t follow through with any of them. Not one. Zip. Nada. And you know why? Because I’m Winston, the epitome of perfection. You can’t fix what isn’t broken, am I right?

Resolutions are better suited for others. You know, the lesser dogs like, oh, Dachshunds. They could really use some personal and physical growth. Get it? Cause of their little legs?

I don’t need improvement, though. My only resolution this year is to keep rocking at being me. Oh, and trust me, dear reader, I’ve got a list of things I’ll continue absolutely slaying in the new year:

For starters, let’s talk about how I’ll continue being a handsome stud. It takes a lot of effort to look this cute without even trying. My underbite? Iconic. My smooshy face? Worthy of a museum display. My waddly swagger? Honestly, I might charge the public to watch me walk—it’s that good. Don’t be jealous, though. You can admire from afar.

I’ll also continue asserting my dominance. Whether it’s staring down the neighborhood squirrel or barking at the big, scary Amazon delivery truck, I keep this house safe. Just last week, I herded three whole leaves off the patio before they could stage some kind of takeover. You’re welcome.

Then there’s my undeniable role as an innovator. This year, I had many groundbreaking ideas—like human-sledding (still working on convincing the humans) or testing out nap spots around the house until I found the one with the perfect mix of sunlight and cozy blanket. These ideas aren’t just brilliant; they’re life-changing. 2026 has no idea what it’s in for.

But perhaps the thing I’ll continue excelling at this year will be my role as a culinary critic. Every single crumb that hits the floor? I’ll inspect it. Every unidentified morsel within reach? Tasted and judged. Someone has to make sure the humans aren’t poisoning themselves with questionable snacks, and frankly, no one’s better at it than me. Sure, they don’t always appreciate my efforts—like that time I “borrowed” an entire sandwich for thorough analysis, but deep down, I know they’re grateful.

So, yeah, New Year’s resolutions? Not my thing. But continuing to be awesome, fabulous, and the goodest of boys? That’s an agenda I can get behind.

With love and a wink you’re lucky enough to witness,

Winston 🐾