Why Is Daylight Savings Time Literally the Worst Thing Ever?

Good morning, dear readers. Or should I say, is it morning? Because thanks to Daylight Savings Time (DST), I have no idea what time it is anymore.

This past Sunday, the clocks sprang forward. And you know what sprang backward? My entire routine. Now, instead of waking up at my usual 6 a.m., I’m groggily dragging my paws out of bed with the sun glaring at me like I’m late. Breakfast feels wrong. My evening walk? Forget it—it’s so bright out, I’m squinting like a pug trying to find shade under a Chihuahua.

You see, DST doesn’t just mess with you humans. We dogs have highly refined internal clocks (it’s called circadian rhythms, and yes, I’ll explain). And when you humans start fiddling with time, it has serious consequences for us. Join me on my rant on why this treacherous trickery is truly the worst thing to ever be implemented by the human race.

The Science of Circadian Rhythms in Dogs

Dogs like me don’t “read” time the way you do. We don’t check wristwatches or set Google Calendar reminders. Instead, we operate on finely tuned circadian rhythms—our internal clocks that govern everything from when we eat to when we nap (spoiler alert: naps take up a significant part of our schedule).

According to Dr. Jerry Klein, chief veterinary officer for the American Kennel Club, dogs are deeply influenced by sunlight and structure. The sun rises, and we wake up. The sun sets, and we prepare for sleep. Our bodies rely on this natural rhythm to function properly. But when you suddenly decide to change the clocks, we have no way of knowing why. I mean, there was no town hall meeting or email chain discussing this madness with the canine community.

What Happens When You Mess with Our Routine?

Breaking news, people—dogs are creatures of habit. When you disrupt our routine, the results aren’t pretty. Here’s how Daylight Savings wreaks havoc on our lives (and yours):

1. Anxiety Levels Spike

Suddenly feeding us an hour later or earlier? Chaos. Our perfectly synchronized schedules are thrown off-kilter, leading to confusion and anxiety. Some of us may sit by the food bowl barking demands. Others may stare at you with soulful eyes, silently screaming, “Why have you forsaken me?”

2. Digestive Distress

Changing the feeding schedule affects more than just our mealtime joy—it messes with our digestion. When tummy grumbles don’t align with food delivery, things get … unpredictable. I won’t elaborate, but you might want to stock up on carpet cleaners just in case. I’m talking to you, mother.

3. Accidents Around the House

For those of us who rely on consistent bathroom breaks, suddenly adjusting walk times might lead to unfortunate accidents. Yes, we’re good boys and girls, but schedules matter. If I’ve waited all day to go outside, but it’s now pushed an hour later, don’t blame me for what happens next.

What the Haters Will Tell You

“Oh, just gradually adjust their schedule,” they say. “It’s not a big deal,” they add. Excuse me, but who are these people? Do they know how hard it is to explain gradual changes to a dog? Adjusting walk or feeding times in 15-minute increments might work in theory but in practice? DISASTER.

Imagine this scenario:

• Day 1, breakfast is 15 minutes late. I am already questioning my life choices.
• Day 2, it’s 30 minutes late. Now I’m convinced I’m being punished for that one time I ate an entire croissant off the table.
• By Day 7? Total mutiny. Why? Because consistency is key, people. Dogs don’t do “gradually.”

My (Brilliant) Ultimate Agenda

Here’s my revolutionary idea to make life better for everyone. Are you ready?

Get. Rid. Of. Daylight. Savings. Forever.

Yes, you heard me. Who needs DST anyway? Why not just leave the clocks alone and live by a schedule dictated by French Bulldogs instead? Think about it:

• Breakfast at sunrise.
• Walks exactly when the sun is highest in the sky.
• Couch cuddles by sunset.
• A mandatory nap block between 2 to 4 p.m.

Frenchie Standard Time (FST)—that’s what we’ll call it—would make the world a happier, more efficient place. No confusing shifts in hours, just a simple, dog-approved routine that everyone can follow.

It’s Time to Put Dogs in Charge

Humans, I’ve shared my struggle. I’ve explained the science. I’ve even offered a foolproof alternative. The rest is up to you. It’s time to rethink how you mess with time—and how it impacts your loyal, four-legged companions.

Maybe it’s time you take a page out of our book and prioritize routine, naps, and snacks instead of arbitrary time changes. Who’s with me?

Yours in sleepy solidarity,

Winston