You Robbed Me, Mother Nature

Hello, dear reader! It’s me, Winston, your favorite melodramatic French Bulldog, here to file my weekly grievance with the universe. Let me just come out and say it: I’ve been robbed. STOLEN FROM. And no, I’m not talking about a missing treat or a squirrel that got away—I’m talking about FALL. Where is it? Who took it? I demand answers.

We went straight from summer sunshine to three snowfalls. THREE! And don’t get me started on the type of snow; it’s not the magical, twinkling kind that makes Christmas morning feel special. No, this is the wet, slushy, paw-freezing nonsense that turns every walk into a miserable survival challenge. I mean, it’s only the first week of December! The only acceptable time for snow this time of year is Christmas morning. That’s it. Everything else is just way too soon.

Do you know what I didn’t get to do this year because of this tragedy? Crunch some good, crisp autumn leaves. Bask in a golden leaf pile like the king I am. Chase a runaway leaf with all the ferocity of a noble hunter. Nope, none of it. Instead, I’m slipping and sliding across icy sidewalks while my humans laugh at my suffering. The indignity!

And my poor paws? They’re absolutely NOT made for this. Every time that icy slush touches them, I’m forced to lift each paw in dramatic protest, as if to say, “Why me? WHY?”

So here I am, staring out at the soggy, slushy mess that Mother Nature dumped on us, dreaming of the fall I never got to enjoy. It’s just not fair. I don’t know about you, but I am not going to accept this.

I’ve already started camping out by the heating vent, giving my humans the best pitiful glances I can muster in hopes that they’ll do something about this situation. And don’t even start in with that “Winston, you know we can’t control the weather” nonsense. Surely there’s something we can do. I’ve been brainstorming. Perhaps we could all go outside and blow on the snow until it melts? Or maybe we can cover the yard with a giant heated blanket? I even tried barking at the clouds to scare them away. It did not work.

At the very least, Mom could move us somewhere warm where it doesn’t snow all that often. I’ve heard Florida is nice. I could be warm and wrestle an alligator! Sounds like a win to me. I mean, come on, what are we waiting for?

In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to just keep putting up with the cold and snow. It may be miserable, but at least I have my food bowl to keep me company. Until next week, stay warm, give your dog extra treats, and please, write a strongly worded letter to Mother Nature. This kind of behavior is simply unacceptable.

With frosty paws and a very cold belly,

Winston 🐾