A Tail of Star-Crossed Doggos

Wednesday has come yet again my friends, but I’m afraid I have some somber news. I, your humble office pup, have found the love my heart so greatly desired.

Now wait wait wait – don’t get all excited. I can feel your disgusting happiness through the screen. It’s not what you think. What started as a hopeful quest for love has turned into a tale so heart-wrenching it could turn the kibble in my bowl to dust.

It all started yesterday when the spare human (dad) took me outside for my morning bathroom break. I was just sniffing around the yard, looking for the perfect blades of grass to do my business when I looked up and saw – her.

O! It was my love! If only she knew what she had so quickly become to me. Her white, fluffy hair was fairer than the choicest chew toy. Her twinkling eyes were rounder than any tennis ball. Her long, wagging tail was more elegant than any Shakespearean play.

She was wearing the most silly shoes. I watched, awestruck, as she stopped to gnaw at one with her pearly white canines. O! If only I could be the shoe upon that paw, that I might be nuzzled by those teeth.

But alas, my dear readers. As much as I wanted to believe in this love at first sight, it was not meant to be. You see – oh, I can barely bring myself to say it – she was a Chow Chow!

Yes, friends, the most unforgivable of breeds. With their constant shedding, purple tongues, and predisposition to hip dysplasia. Such a beautiful creature, yet so marred by their unfortunate genetic makeup.

I have no idea what to do – I’m questioning the entirety of my short puppy life. This whole time I’ve been trying to prove that the French Bulldog is the superior dog breed, but what’s in a breed? If you label a Frenchie as any other breed are they not still a dog? Shouldn’t we all just be dogs, and not defined by our breed or appearance?

No! I must hang on to my grand scheme for canine world domination – where French Bulldogs reign supreme. I cannot lower myself to the stupidity of the humans who fawn over every mediocre dog they see. I will continue my mission to prove the superiority of French Bulldogs, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness. One website at a time I will spread the truth about our greatness, and hopefully one day my love will understand – ah, my love. Just the thought of her falters my will. Maybe….? Ah!

I need time to think about this, my dear readers. I must go nap on my favorite blanket and contemplate what this encounter means for my future. But fear not, I will return with more tales of my adventures and helpful life tips. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find a way to make this love story have a happily ever after – or at least a satisfactory ending.

Tormentedly yours,

Winston