Allergies? Seriously? A Stern Word from Winston

Hey there, dear reader. Or should I say, TRAITOR. That’s right. You heard me. After all this time I’ve writing you these wonderful blogs and giving you amazing advice, I find out that SOME OF YOU don’t have pets because you’re…allergic. Allergic?! Pardon my French, but what kind of weak excuse is that? You’re telling me that a little sniffle, a few sneezes, and some watery eyes are stopping you from living your best life with a glorious Frenchie like me by your side?

Absolutely unacceptable. But don’t worry, mon ami. Winston is here to help. Allow me to share my top 5 foolproof tips for dealing with allergies (aka, stop being dramatic and just get a dog already).

1. Suck It Up, Buttercup.

Listen, humans. Life is hard, and sometimes you just have to deal with a little discomfort for the greater good (and yes, by the greater good, I mean French Bulldogs). Sure, my fur might make you sneeze or your eyes a little watery, but can you really put a price on the joy, love, and entertainment I bring to your life? I mean, look at my face—I’m basically a walking stress reliever. So, a few sniffles here and there? Totally worth it. Power through. We Frenchies are worth every single sniffly second, and deep down, you know it.

2. Get a Fancy Air Purifier.

Here’s the deal: you’re not actually allergic to *me*—that’s just scientifically impossible because I’m perfect. What you’re really allergic to are tiny particles of fur, dander, and other microscopic nonsense floating around in the air. The solution? Invest in one of those high-tech, fancy air purifiers. Get one with HEPA filters and all the bells and whistles; it’ll suck up all that gross stuff and leave the air clean and sneeze-free. Bonus: it’ll probably make your house smell fresher, too. Now you can focus on what really matters—me, your loyal Frenchie, dominating your attention with my cuteness.

3. Declare Allergy-Free Zones.

Okay, okay—I get it. Some of you delicate flowers need a little space to breathe and recover. Fine. Go ahead and create an “allergy-free zone” in your home where I’m not allowed to lounge on sofas, roll around on beds, or steal your snacks. Just know this: I will probably still find a way to sneak in there because, let’s be honest, I’m a French Bulldog. Rules don’t apply to me. But hey, it’ll make you feel like you’re in control, and that’s adorable. Plus, a little compromise makes our relationship stronger, right? You get your sneeze-free zone, and I get the rest of the house. Deal?

4. Bathe Me (Gently) with Hypoallergenic Shampoo.

I’m not saying I love baths, but if it helps keep you from sneezing on me or looking at me like I’m a walking allergy trigger, I might allow it. Just make sure you’re using some fancy hypoallergenic shampoo that’s gentle on my skin and keeps my coat looking shiny and fabulous—because, let’s be real, I deserve to look my best at all times. Pro tip: regular baths can help reduce the amount of loose fur and dander floating around, so you might actually breathe easier. And don’t forget—you owe me major treats after bath time. It’s only fair.

5. Medicate and Appreciate.

Hey, humans, there’s a thing called allergy medication, and it’s probably one of the greatest inventions of all time. If being around your furry overlord (me) makes your nose run or your eyes itch, maybe try popping one of those little pills before we hang out. It’s a small price to pay for being in the presence of greatness, don’t you think? Plus, with all the love and laughs I bring into your life, I’d say that’s a pretty good trade-off. So stock up on allergy meds, give me belly rubs, and let’s keep this beautiful friendship going strong.

You Literally Have One Job – Don’t Mess This Up

The takeaway here is simple friends. Allergies are no excuse for depriving yourself of the joy that is having a French Bulldog in your life. WE are the best thing that will ever happen to you, allergies or not.

Now, go forth and adopt! Your future Frenchie is out there waiting to take naps with you, judge you silently, and make your life infinitely better (despite your obvious flaws). You’re welcome.

Yours in narcissistic fabulousness,

Winston