Confessions of a Canine Prankster

Greetings, dear reader. It’s Winston here, and I have some rather solemn news to share. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how much time it takes to craft these weekly blogs. Don’t get me wrong—I absolutely love sharing the fascinating details of my life (because, obviously, I’m incredibly interesting) and convincing you all that cats are the absolute worst (because, let’s face it, my opinions are the only ones that matter). But, truth be told, writing these posts every week is starting to wear me out.

Out of the 168 hours in a week, I spend an entire one writing this blog. One whole hour! It’s practically outrageous when you consider all the bones I could be chewing instead. So, after much thought, I’ve made the difficult decision to bring this dog blog to an end.

APRIL FOOLS!

Oh, you should have seen your face! The sorrow, the disbelief—it was priceless. But don’t worry, don’t worry. Did you really think I’d ever give up the chance to talk endlessly about myself every single week? Do you think I’d abandon the spotlight so easily? Please. That’s ridiculous.

Now that you’ve been thoroughly pranked, it’s only fair to share how my April Fools’ Day unfolded yesterday. Let’s just say I uncovered yet another hidden talent—pranking my aunties like a pro.

My first prank was simple but effective: the classic “barking-at-nothing” fakeout. I stared intently out the window, pretending I’d spotted something suspicious. Naturally, this got my aunties’ attention. They rushed over, peering out the window, trying to figure out what was wrong. And just as they got there, I stopped barking, casually walked away, and left them standing there, confused and mumbling about my “overactive imagination.” Priceless. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Next, I stepped things up with a riskier move: the “Take me outside right now, or I’ll pee on the floor” routine. It’s a classic, and I executed it flawlessly. First, I whined at the door. Then, I sniffed suspiciously at random spots on the hardwood floor, making it look like I was moments away from disaster. My aunties panicked, grabbed my leash, and rushed me outside. And what did I do once we got there? I stood in the yard, staring blankly at them as if they were the crazy ones. Admittedly, this one was a close call—my tiny bladder nearly betrayed me—but the payoff was worth it. Their frantic faces were comedy gold.

But the pièce de résistance was my final prank: the legendary “I haven’t been fed yet” routine. This one takes finesse, but I’m a master. First, I gave one of my aunties the most pitiful, pleading eyes I could muster. She fell for it immediately, handing me a treat. Then, I casually made my way to another auntie, who hadn’t been paying attention, and repeated the act. And guess what? It worked again! By the end of the day, I’d scored enough treats to last me a week. My aunties didn’t even realize they’d been duped. Amateurs.

And there you have it—my glorious April Fools’ Day. It was a resounding success, and honestly, it’s got me thinking: who says pranks are just for one day a year? I might just make this a regular thing. After all, a little mischief keeps life interesting. Plus, if it gets me a few extra treats along the way, that’s just a bonus.

So, until next time, dear reader, remember this: if a dog looks at you with pleading eyes and insists they haven’t been fed, chances are they’ve already had dinner—twice. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some treats to stash before my aunties catch on. Stay mischievous!

-Winston