Respect Your Cat Day? More Like Waste of Your Time Day

Hello once again, dear reader. March 28 is Respect Your Cat Day, and boy, do I have some feelings about it. As you all know by now, I’m not just your everyday French Bulldog—I’m a truth-telling, belly-rubbing advocate for canine superiority. And today, I’m asking the real question no one else dares to ask: what have cats done to deserve their own day of respect?

Spoiler alert: absolutely nothing.

Unlike us hardworking, selfless dogs, cats have clawed their way into human adoration without putting in the work. Want to know why dogs are better? Sit, stay, and keep reading.

Historical Context of Respect Your Cat Day

Now, humans love to romanticize cats with their so-called “historic importance.” I had my human do a deep dive (I can’t Google—these paws are not touchscreen-friendly), and guess what? Most of it seems like cat propaganda.

• Ancient Egypt: Cats were revered as sacred and associated with the goddess Bastet. Okay, sure, but that’s just because they were pest control. Dogs would’ve done it better, but I guess we were too busy being awesome to chase mice back then.
• Roman Soldiers: Oh, the Romans brought cats along for pest control? Cute. Meanwhile, dogs were defending entire fortresses.
• World War I: The claim that cats were in the trenches to fight pests and detect poison gas? Sounds suspiciously like something a cat owner made up to justify their aloof, finicky pets.

And Respect Your Cat Day allegedly stems from a 1384 edict by King Richard II banning the consumption of cats. Not eating cats isn’t exactly groundbreaking respect—it’s basic decency. Meanwhile, dogs were busy becoming “man’s best friend,” earning our legendary friendship status every step of the way.

Why Cats Don’t Deserve the Praise

Alright, here’s where things get real. Cats have done nothing to earn a day dedicated to their so-called greatness—and I have receipts.

1. Their breath smells like tuna

You know it. I know it. Cats could eat filet mignon, and they’d still emit a scent reminiscent of a not-so-fresh fish market. Meanwhile, dogs like me exude charming, if slightly beefy, vibes.

2. They poop in a box inside your house

Cats poop in a box that sits in your house. And you, dear human, have to scoop it out daily like some kind of servant. Dogs, on the other hand, go outside like respectable furry citizens. Sure, you might have to pick it up (public service isn’t always glamorous), but at least we have the decency to keep it out of your living room.

3. They’re moody

One minute, they’re rubbing up against you; the next, they’re plotting your demise because you pet their majestic tail (how dare you!). Us dogs? We’re all about unconditional love. Seriously, when’s the last time a cat greeted you at the door like you just came back from a perilous quest? Never.

4. They don’t do anything useful

When was the last time you saw a service cat? That’s right—NEVER. Because cats aren’t interested in helping anyone but themselves. Dogs, meanwhile, guide the visually impaired, comfort patients in hospitals, and even save lives in search-and-rescue missions.

How Dogs Are Better

Now that we’ve established the utter ridiculousness of Respect Your Cat Day, let’s talk about why dogs deserve all the love (and their own national holiday).

1. Loyalty

Dogs are loyal to a fault. Forget to feed us? We still love you. Step on our paw? We forgive you. Cats? They’ll hold a grudge for years.

2. Companionship

Dogs don’t just keep you company; we live for you. We’re your workout buddy, Netflix partner, and ultimate cheerleader. Cats, meanwhile, tolerate you at best.

3. Service and Heroism

Police dogs, therapy dogs, service dogs—they’re proof that we’re the MVPs of the animal kingdom. Honestly, the closest cats get to “helping” is knocking a glass of water off the counter so you learn physics.

4. Boundless Joy

We wag our tails, we flop onto our backs for belly rubs, and we lose our minds when you say the word walkies. Dogs are serotonin machines. Cats? Walking fur criticisms with no customer service team.

My Grand Idea

Here’s what I propose instead of Respect Your Cat Day—a full week (yes, a week) dedicated to appreciating dogs! Activities could include:

• Take Your Dog to Brunch Day: Pancakes for you, scrambled eggs for us. Or pancakes and scrambled eggs and bacon and toast and oatmeal for us. Your pick, I suppose.
• Fetch Fest: A community event where humans compete to see who throws the best tennis ball.
• Pup Parade: A showcase of the goodest boys and girls, complete with costumes.

And how about a holiday where every human pledges to donate to service dog training programs? That is the kind of celebration the world needs.

Cats Don’t Deserve Their Own Day—But Dogs Do

At the risk of ruffling some (very whiskery) feathers, I’ll say it again: Respect Your Cat Day is unnecessary and unearned. If any species deserves a day—or a week—of universal praise, it’s dogs. We’re loyal, loving, and endlessly helpful. Cats? They’re tuna-scented enigmas who expect you to worship their superiority while they contribute…literally nothing.

If you’re a fellow dog lover, join me in this crusade for canine respect. Together, we can make sure dogs get the recognition they truly deserve.

Paws out,

Winston