What Happened to You World?

Hello, dear readers. It is I, Winston—a French bulldog of unmatched charm, wit, and wisdom—here to bark a very pressing matter onto your screens this week. Pull up a dog bed and settle in, because things are about to get serious.

I’ve been listening in on my humans’ chatter (as one does when they don’t realize you’re the smartest being in the room), and apparently… it’s Black Friday season again. But after much pondering in my toy box and doing some very thorough snoot-searching, I’ve got a bone to pick with modern-day Black Friday. And no, it’s not a chewable one.

This is NOT the Black Friday I’ve dreamed of.

Black Friday: Where Did the Chaos Go?

Now, I wasn’t around for the “golden age” of Black Friday—those legendary times when I hear humans would line up at midnight; shove their way into stores; and, oh—and this is my favorite part—fist fight each other over discounted TVs, toasters, and, I can only imagine, dog beds. The absolute mayhem! The glorious chaos!

But what do we have nowadays?

Online shopping. Yes. It’s all sitting behind your shiny little laptops, clicking “Add to Cart” while sipping your lattes. And don’t even get me started on how Black Friday isn’t even on Friday anymore! All November, they try to trick you into accepting mediocre deals that you only think are good because they inflated the price over the summer. LOATHSOME. Where’s the fun, dear reader? Where’s the drama?

Can you imagine how thrilling it would be to witness a full-on, elbows-and-knees brawl over a plush orthopedic dog bed with memory foam? A legendary chew-stick fight in Aisle 5? Oh, what I wouldn’t give to sniff the air of that kind of glorious retail chaos…maybe even jump into the scuffle myself. That’s right—I could take down Linda for a discounted squeaky pizza toy. Don’t test me.

But alas, the days of shopping being a contact sport are gone. Instead, I’ve been robbed of the chance to see humans lose their dignity over a 60% off blender. Excuse me while I mourn the decline of society.

Is There Any Hope Left?

Perhaps not. Perhaps we’re doomed to sit in our homes, surrounded by Amazon boxes, while I side-eye you all for robbing me of a true Black Friday spectacle. Now my only hope for chaos comes from when you trip over one of my toys (deliberately placed, naturally) while hauling in your truckload of boring online orders.

Still, I hold out faint hope that one day, Black Friday will return to its roots. The people will rally, the crowds will form, and the sales floor will once again become a battleground for bargains. And when that day comes, mark my words—I’ll be there in the front row, cheering you on with my best battle bark.

Until that chaotic day arrives, I’ll be here, dreaming of what could have been…snoring, yes, but dreaming nonetheless.

With nostalgic snorts and dramatic sighs,

Winston 🐾