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Winston’s New Year’s Resolutions Report Card (Spoiler Alert: Oops 🐾)

Hi there, dear reader. Don’t mind me; I’m just over here taking a super mature moment of self-reflection (with my paw over my heart) after… well, how do I put this delicately? I, Winston the Wonderful, have already failed at my New Year’s resolutions.

I know, you’re shocked. “But Winston,” I hear you say, “How can a pup so irresistibly fabulous fall short of his own perfectly crafted goals?” The truth is, even the most marvelous French Bulldog of all time (yes, me) is not immune to a little… slipshod resolution-keeping.

Allow me to share my tale of limited triumph and (mostly) failure. Grab a puppuccino, and make yourself comfortable.

Resolution #1: Gracefully Accept That Not Everyone Deserves My Love

Status: FAILED

This one turned out to be my Achilles’ paw. The plan? Save all my legendary tail wiggles for the rare elite deserving of my affection (aka anyone armed with treats). The reality? If someone so much as glances at me—even the neighbor who still calls me “too loud”—my instincts take over. Wiggle waggle. Wiggle waggle. I can’t help it. My love is just TOO powerful to contain. Can you really blame me? I don’t think so.

Resolution #2: Achieve a Perfect Sit-Stay… But Only When I Feel Like It

Status: Um… WORK IN PROGRESS?

You see, dear reader, I am a creative spirit, and rules constrict my natural flair for spontaneity. Sure, I’ll sit when asked—if the timing aligns with my artistic mood (and there’s a high-value treat at stake). Am I inconsistent? Perhaps. But some may call it mysterious, and isn’t mystery part of the charm? Exactly.

Resolution #3: Only Bark at Important Things (Like the Threatening Mailman)

Status: SEMI-PASS

Okay, I’ll admit I cheated a little here. I’ve been reserving my dramatic barking performances for more “important” matters… like the horrifying squirrel in the yard. (Why does it scamper with such purpose? What is it plotting?!) Also, the suspiciously loud vacuum cleaner has been added to my official “critically important bark-worthy threats” list. The mailman, of course, remains foe numero uno.

Resolution #4: Expand My Culinary Horizons Beyond Dropped Crumbs

Status: A PUZZLE IN PROGRESS

I made a valiant attempt here. I really did. Carrots? Meh. Peanut butter? Getting there. But do you know what’s still better than haute cuisine? A cheesy Dorito crumb from under the couch cushions. I may be French, but I’m still a pup of the people. Gourmet dining can wait… probably forever.

Resolution #5: Workout Daily (With Nap Breaks Between Sets)

Status: ABSOLUTE PERFECTION

I would like it to be officially noted that I crushed this one. Every morning, I energetically trot one lap around the yard before kaplonk-ing onto my favorite sunlit spot for a nice, long snooze. Fitness with finesse, friends. Who needs CrossFit when you’ve mastered Paw-sitively Minimal Effort Fit? (Patents pending.)

Resolution #6: Win Over That One Neighbor Who Thinks I’m “Too Loud”

Status: QUESTIONABLE

Reader, I’ve tried it all. The dazzling head tilts. The playful spins. The world-class butt wiggles. But this neighbor remains deadpan. Perhaps their heart is made of stone—or, more likely, they’re immune to joy. (The audacity!) But don’t fret. I will not give up until they recognize my undeniable greatness. I’m playing the long game.

Resolution #7: Perfect My Signature Pose for the Paw-parazzi

Status: NAILED IT

With every paw placement, I grow bolder. Every smize sharper. I’ve even added the occasional over-the-shoulder glance that whispers, “Yes, mere mortal, you get to live in my timeline.” Prepare yourselves, modeling world—2025 is my year. (Don’t @ me, Gigi Hadid.)

Resolution #8: Learn to Share… Sometimes

Status: PFFT, NEXT

Haha, as if. Moving on.

Resolution #9: Be the Best Butt-Wiggler in the Neighborhood

Status: VICTORY!

Listen, I don’t actually have a tail, but my refined wiggling form has cemented me as a true artiste. When Winston enters the room, people take notice—and sometimes giggle. That’s star power, baby.

Resolution #10: Remind Everyone Daily That I’m Simply Fabulous

Status: NATURAL TALENT

This one was never in doubt. Have you seen me? My presence is a gift, and every day I wake up more fabulous than the last. You’re welcome, world. ✨

Lessons from a Pup Who’s More “Winston” Than Resolutions

If you’ve made it this far (and who could blame you, I’m riveting), here’s what I’ve learned from this little experiment in self-improvement:

  • Some goals just aren’t worth stressing about. Why fight against your nature when you can lean into your charm instead?
  • Authenticity trumps perfection. Sure, I could be a better sharer, but wouldn’t “Perfect Winston” be, well, a bit boring? That’s pawsitively unthinkable.
  • Failures are just opportunities for dramatic flair. And this French Bulldog thrives on drama.
  • Most importantly, self-love reigns supreme. Being Winston isn’t just my job; it’s my destiny.
    And there you have it, dear readers. Another glorious chapter in the Winston Chronicles. Until next time, keep striving, keep wiggling, and always remember—you’re still fabulous even if you already failed your New Year’s resolutions (just maybe not as fabulous as me).

Paws and kisses,

Winston

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